we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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