U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
