So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
