Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
