i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
