Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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