bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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