Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize