I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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