it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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