Don't make out with my wife yet
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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