I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
