i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize