remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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