He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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