Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
