soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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