How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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