Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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