its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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