Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
