Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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