dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
