That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
