I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize