Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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