So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
