if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
