Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wish there were birth control emojis
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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