my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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