were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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