He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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