she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
