if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The struggles of a small town man whore
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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