By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I lost the right to judge tonight
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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