BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
