everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
