direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
