just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
