Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
