woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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