What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
