16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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