Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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