I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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