It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
