Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the day after is always just damage control
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
