I got chris browned last night
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
