I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
