I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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