Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
