i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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