I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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