I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
