You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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