dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
