He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
