Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
