I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Acid is not a monday night drug
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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