you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
