I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
