Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
