So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
