some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
