the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
