it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
