On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
