I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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