please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
