Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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