I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
