Even water is tasting like jack daniels
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
