He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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