Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
