Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
