Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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