I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
