I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
